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kushangel:

i just said hi to someone and they didn’t hear me i’m never trying that again

bagmilk:

when your waiter comes out with food but it’s for another table

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andrewgiraffields:

Lana Del Rey songs make me feel sad and nostalgic about things that haven’t happened to me

operameister:

thisismythanksgivingurl-gobble:

agentgreenfishy:

poselikeateam:

fuck-i-just:

Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: “Jim’s whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.”

Why does this not have any notes?

lol no “Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. how may I help you?”

“Henderson’s Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, this is Eight Ball speaking.”

“Texas crematorium you kill ‘em we grill ‘em how can I direct your call?”